


Come On Baby

by bleakstudent



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Nonbinary My Unit | Byleth, Other, Spoilers for Pre-Timeskip | Academy Phase (Fire Emblem: Three Houses), i have never written anything serious in my life this is a shitpost, ooc byleth, three houses is a dating sim and byleth transmigrates into it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-16
Updated: 2019-09-16
Packaged: 2020-10-20 04:20:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20669216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bleakstudent/pseuds/bleakstudent
Summary: Byleth transmigrates into the world of the dating sim Three Houses: Garreg Mach Monastery, and things go as well as one would expect. That is to say, it does not go well at all.In which Byleth is madly in love with the minor character Jeritza, who appears about five times and then is never seen again.





	Come On Baby

**Author's Note:**

> welcome to my brainchild... at least its not street racing am i right  
basically irl byleth whos played 3h as a dating sim d words and gets put in the body of byleth in 3h and pursues the love of their life. byleth is uhhhh pretty ooc here lol sorry o(-( 
> 
> inspired by [this comic](https://twitter.com/bleakstudent/status/1165247024079474688) i made a few weeks ago

“Professor, the lesson...” A tentative voice from the back of the room spoke up, breaking the silence in the classroom. The silence resumed once more until the teal haired figure at the podium regained their composure. Easier said than done, considering the poor sod had no idea what the fuck they were doing because the last thing they remember was being hit by a truck while trying to cross the street (legally, no less!) in the year 2019.

But here was not the year 2019, and the body of Byleth Eisner, professor and pro fisher, had just gained a different inhabitant.

It just so happened that the new inhabitant’s original name was also Byleth because their parents had the sense of humor of people who knew they were going to hell and decided to name their kid after a demon—no biggie! Just the cause of a bit of confusion whenever they went to church (which is the true reason they stopped going long ago). The NEW Byleth Eisner was like that: cool enough to not go to church but apparently dumb enough to not have any idea why they were at the front of a classroom, holding a pointer in their hand stupidly and not unlike a clown.

“Professor. The lesson, if you would be so kind.”

“Ah.” Byleth, terrible king of Hell, nodded dumbly. “The lesson. Oh. You know. Swords... They make you gay.”

There was a small gasp of realization from one of the students—perhaps the one with glasses?—and that was the end of class. Byleth let out a breath as the students filed out of the room, chatting amongst themselves. One of them stayed behind.

“Heya, Teach.”

_“Teach?” Am I a teacher? These kids are fucked._ The thoughts of Byleth Eisner were the sage wisdom of one who has accepted their unfortunate fate in the world. The one and only graceful, noble Sage of Bullshitting-their-way-through-life, Byleth, nodded, every strand of hair on their head the noble visage of someone who had pieced together every iota of their place in life craftily, with purpose and definitely without Gorilla Glue.

The caped student grinned and put his hands easily behind his head. He emulated swag. Byleth was a little jealous. “You seemed off there at the end. You taking this whole teaching thing well?”

That action… That _demeanor_! It reminded Byleth of someone.

They must have nodded or something, because the student laughed and winked. “Can’t have the teacher of the Golden Deer feelin’ down, so I’m glad you’re okay, Teach.”

“Golden Deer,” Byleth replied numbly.

“Golden Deer,” Claude agreed, sticking his fingers behind his ears. Byleth dumbly copied the gesture. They felt a little foolish, and it wasn’t just because they looked like a clown.

The reason the student before them felt so familiar was because he was one of the characters in that God-accursed dating sim they played so many times! This one was the leader of the Golden Deer House, Claude von Riegan! Byleth felt only slightly bad for not recognizing him before. Just kidding, they felt terrible. The Claude routes were some of their favorites, ripe with political drama and scheming; the drama that unfolded post-timeskip was really something else. Accomplishing Claude’s dreams together! Taking down racism!

Also, Claude’s meat was huge and he was sexy as hell. Not that Byleth ever got to see Claude’s meat in the game.

_Three Houses: Garreg Mach Monastery _was a PG-13 dating sim that Byleth hated and had also played no less than ten times. They were a completionist, ok! It was perfectly valid to try to get all the routes for every character because they spent so much goddamn money on the thing! It was all fun and games (and it was literally a game) until they thought about it a little bit and realized that the setting of the dating sim was a little fucked up. If they didn’t trust any sort of organized religion _before_ playing the game, they certainly didn’t trust any now! Including that, some of the writing for the game was balls to the wall _stupid. _Like the fact that Byleth only got to see Jertiza von Hrym’s stupid, sexy face five times. Absolutely criminal.

Sure, Claude was cool. _No one _dislikes Claude. (This is an undisputable statistical fact.) But Jeritza had a number of things over von Riegan Jr. First off, his mask, which Byleth thought made him look very attractive. Second, his distant, mysterious air, which Byleth thought was kind of, sort of, _very_ hot. Third, his little requests to spar, which Byleth thought were so, so cute. Lastly, the fact that he tried to kill Byleth in game a number of times, which Byleth thought was very sexy of him.

In conclusion, Claude von Riegan was very cool, but Jeritza von Hrym was much cooler and much sexier. End of discussion, point blank, period.

“Gee, Teach, didn’t know you thought of Jeritza like that.”

Byleth lamented the fact that sometimes internal soliloquys become external by accident. “Yes, well.” They cleared their throat. “Now you do.”

“Got it loud and clear.” Claude smirked and waved his goodbyes.

With no one to protect them from Claude’s schemes, Byleth feared for their love life. They also missed Jeritza’s beautiful face. And the Jeritza merch they struggle tooth and nail to obtain in their original world. Look, if no one _asked_ them about the Jeritza body pillow they commissioned, they would never tell, but if someone did ask, they were obligated to. It was the law and their natural duty as a Jeritza stan. Necessary in all meanings of the word.

Byleth left the Golden Deer classroom downtrodden. _My prints of him_, they mourned. _My homemade clay figure… My customized ball-jointed doll… _Sad. This was so sad. They were going to tear up—no, they were tearing up. Their eyes were already watery. All the money they spent, all the time used to lovingly sculpt the 2D man of his dreams. Now they were all gone. What would Byleth cuddle at night? What would they say “good morning” to when they awoke? Who could they live for now?

Their feet brought them to the excessively large doors of the training grounds.

_Maybe he will be here_, they prayed. _Maybe I can sneak a peek at his lovely face, and then my curiosity will be sated and I can return to my room to take a nap. And he won’t even have known that I was here. A perfect plan. Tactical genius. Good job, Byleth. Thanks, Byleth. _

They had only just started to push on the door slowly when a voice from behind startled them.

“Professor.”

_Oh no. _Byleth felt that one in their groin. That deep voice! That sexy lilt, so close to his ear! Slowly, they turned around. Jeritza had cornered them, his two hands on the door. There was nothing for Byleth to do but stare into Jeritza’s eyes and blush like the fool in love that they were.

“I want to fuck you,” they blurted out.

**Author's Note:**

> sorry for barely edited shitpost i love jeritza von fire emblem come yell at me about him on twitter [@bleakstudent](https://twitter.com/bleakstudent)


End file.
